I need to rant about my self publicly...
I am disgusting and wasteful I am fat and ugly. My actions I take and the way I look really do affect my world. I have hated my self since I was 2 and have thought I was grotesquely fat since I was small. I have no idea as to what I really look like, I see photos and they disgust me, I see myself in the mirror and I feel ok. But regardless of what I feel I am, I KNOW that I am disgusting. I have been trying to loose weight for-ever. But this time it's for real! Cheer me on because I know I can do it. I am traveling to Ireland, Prague and probably Moscow (not sure about the last visit yet) and I want to be sexy, skinny, and beautiful! The ONLY way I have ever, EVER been able to loose weight was eating this each and every day: oatmeal at 8am, oatmeal at 10am, oatmeal at 12pm, if I need it oatmeal at 2pm. Only one packet and the low fat stuff. Also by keeping a blog! I know I can do this I just have to be mother-fuckin army-sarge on my self.

Anyways, watchin' Strangers with Candy. Going to eat a salad 2night!

I will never rant like that again publicly but I feel so depressed today... so alone.

So today has been great! I have done really well! I made a plan and I have stuck to it. When I got hungry this afternoon I just popped 2 Dexatrim and made a hot cup of tea. I kept myself busy cleaning at work all day, didn't really have time to think about food. Well, I didn't work out today, which I am okay with, this week is about getting my self control back and my eating habits back where I want then. I feel a lot more powerful and in control when I follow through with my eating plans for the day. I am sort of doing this weight watcher thing, but not really. I have to eat something, I can't fast I am terrible at it. I always makes me binge at like 11pm. I have to eat at least 1 meal a day. I guess I need to go to bed early so I won't pig out! 
I remember when I could have a cup of carrots and make it thru the day. I have to get back there...back to 118lbs. Once I get there I want to shoot for 102lbs. 
By the way, thanks to all you marvelous people who are always sooo encouraging.  

Food: 2/2
Water: 2/2
Exercise: 2/2
Posting: 2/2
Awesomesauce: 2/2

I did 10 today!!

I can't believe it!! I ate under 800 cal. and didn't binge n' purge. I didn't feel hungry today. I felt great. I said no to the fudge and candy I usually sneek... Things went so smoothly today.

I worked out on my new wii fit that I bought this morning. I love it. You set your stats and it tells you your BMI and then you set where you want to be and in how long. Hopefully I can be 110 in a month and then just remember to keep myself at 110 after I get there.

I have lost 1.5 pounds since starting the 28 day plan.

121.5lbs.

:)

Food: 2/2... technically... I'm tempted to take a mark away because half of what I ate was sheer crap and had no nutritional value. Think I only had about half of what I'm 'allowed' though.
Water: 2/2
Exercise: 0/2 8" of snow and period pain made this tricky.
Challenge: 2/2
Post: 2/2

8/10

food: 2
water: 1
exercise: 2
post: 2
sec: 2
Points: 9

shit fuck arugg why am i such a stupid fat lazy cow ! arugg ok great fuck i just had a 475 choclate muffin why why why ? arugg i cant believe i did it arugg : ( cant believe it but hey at least my mam will be happy she has been bugging me to have 1 all day well ok hardcore resticting ( max of 400 - 500 cals ) for the next week hope your all ok girless all my love and support rose xxxxx

shit fuck arugg why am i such a stupid fat lazy cow ! arugg ok great fuck i just had a 475 choclate muffin why why why ? arugg i cant believe i did it arugg : ( cant believe it well ok hardcore resticting ( max of 400 - 500 cals ) for the next week hope your all ok girless all my love and support rose xxxxx